It has been a long time since my last post – for a reason. I have been sick.
Being sick is never fun. Being sick in a foreign country raises dark thoughts and feelings of helplessness. None of these emotions seemed appropriate to share on my adventure page so I have been mute. I was considering just not acknowledging this part of my adventure and focusing on the changing season instead. However, that muse (season changes) would not reveal itself until I dealt with the sickness issue.
I tried to begin this post by defining sickness and discovered the topic was such a downer I couldn’t proceed. I searched the web for pictures that expressed sickness so I could avoid putting words to the feelings. I couldn’t find anything that reflected my state of being.
This morning I reached the 80% recovery point and was able to see the situation from a different perspective – that of WELLNESS.
WELLNESS IS ….
In order for these ingredients to exist we must have …..
More importantly one must BELIEVE that choices exist.
When I was sick, I didn’t beleive I had any choices despite offers of help from my neighbors and friends. Sleep was the only remedy that sooth my awareness of constant discomfort. The idea of returning to my former home near family gave me comfort though I knew it would not change my condition. I beleived I had more CHOICES there. I would have a familar choice of foods to eat, medication to take and protection from infection – a safer environment.
I have discovered the idea of a safe environment is very subjective. I desperately miss the chilly coolness of fall and the smell of winter snow whereas my friends here have no desire to experience any cold. I long for an environment that does not require bug spray and am still irritated that the locals insist it is my pale skin that attracts the bites. Feels like victim blaming to me.
I am following the advise of my sisters to not make any decisions about the future until I feel 100% better. In the meantime I am looking forward to my Holiday trip to NM and green chilli in December.